Setting boundaries for a more enjoyable Holiday
by Dr. Drew Myers, MD on December 18, 2024
The Winter Holiday Season is here. It’s the time of year when we gather around a table, share meals, partake in traditions, and unfortunately, have uncomfortable conversations, feel burnt out, or have resentment towards others. A family member or friend asks a question about your relationship status, someone makes a comment about politics, they show up to your house unannounced, and the list goes on. What seems to start innocently can quickly become a situation in which you are no longer comfortable. So what can we do? Let’s say it together: boundaries.
Boundaries are limits that you can set that define what is and what is not safe for you. In doing so, we protect ourselves and prioritize our own needs. We unfortunately cannot control the behaviors of other people, so boundaries provide a clear limit that states what you tolerate and how you will react. In other words, boundaries do not dictate how other people will act, but rather define how you will respond to their actions.
Start by identifying people, situations, or topics that are particularly distressing for you. Those are the areas that you likely need better boundaries. Once you decide on a boundary, clearly communicate it to your loved one. You may feel inclined to explain the reasoning of your boundary, but you certainly do not have to. So what does a healthy boundary look like? Here are some examples:
- Saying no to things that do not bring you joy or feel like obligations.
- “I appreciate the invitation, but I won’t be able to make it this year.”
- Sticking to your budget.
- “I am not comfortable talking about that.”
- Asking your friends and family not to discuss politics.
- “Please call before you stop by.”
A boundary only works as well as you maintain it. So if you do not follow through with your boundary, you might as well have not set it. With that said, boundaries can be scary. We might fear that boundaries will lead to conflict or strain our relationships, and sometimes there will be tension. This does not mean that you are wrong. Boundaries serve as a way to strengthen relationships by making our needs known to our loved ones and allowing them to honor those needs.
The Holiday Season is not just about fulfilling the needs and wants of others. Your wellbeing matters, too. When we say “no” or set limits on people and situations that do not serve us, it allows us to say “yes” to the things that bring us joy and rejuvenate us.
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